Over this past week, I have dealt with many truths about myself, from continuing to fight with fear, to my struggle in defining manhood in an authentic way. Over the course of this journey, something else has become readily apparent to me. I am ambitious. And where that term feels like a bad thing, as I understand it now, it’s not. Ambition is like money. In and of itself it is neither good or bad. What a person does with it determines the value of it. I have always been ambitious, I realize. I have been afraid to admit what it is I want for to protect myself from the fact that I have no idea of how to accomplish those things, or to insulate myself from the inevitable, in my mind, failure to achieve those ambitions. No more. If I am to really make this next decade of my life the best yet, it’s time to be honest about what I want. So, in true ambivert fashion, I’m exploring my list in front of you all. I encourage you to do the same thing! When making your list, nothing is too ludicrous. I want to encourage you not just to dream, but to DREAM BIG!!
So what do I want?
I want to Pastor a church. Why? I believe that God has placed the desire within me to shepherd people, love them, encourage them, inspire them, and motivate them to move toward His will and purpose for their lives. When is as younger, I thought that would look like an organized body of believers in a building with services, etc. As I have gotten older, I have begun to consider that pastoring a church simply looks like doing life with people in unorganized ways, with unorganized systems, but with an organized love for God at its root.
I want to lead worship again, and I also want to record an album full of songs that I’ve written. Why? I love leading worship. It’s so much fun! And recording? Just to have. Almost as a written testament to the seasons of life that I have walked through and how God has been there for me. I would love to have a song that is sung in a church that encourages the faith of it’s members and gives them the same hope that I have found in Jesus.
I want to be a best-selling author. Why? I published my first book in March, just before Covid-19 turned the US upside down. I never had the opportunity to have in person book launches, and I became very discouraged by not being able to gain the traction that I hoped the book would gain. I ran into serious issues in feeling like I was bothering people or bragging by posting social media posts about it, and ultimately abandoned all advertising, and those posts never garnered much attention anyway. I allowed the disappointment to direct me instead of stewarding the gift that God had given me. I’m going to actively change that, and for this and future books, I want to learn to market better. I also want to write more books. I have a few ideas already for multiple projects that I need to make time to begin work on. I want to be a best-seller. I want to one day have a publisher. I’m not ashamed to admit any of this now.
I want to be an in-demand, public speaker. Why? I have a gift for speaking, and I know this. When I sit through opening day ceremonies for school, I always imagine myself giving that address to my fellow educators. When I see anybody speaking at an event, I picture myself there doing that same thing. It’s not that I am arrogant about it, but I do believe God has given me words to speak, and I want to be faithful in speaking them when the time comes.
I want to be a world-traveler. Why? Because traveling provides access to culture and perspectives that just aren’t available staying in the States. I want my kids and my family to be exposed to the world outside of our own.
I want to be a dream fulfilled/ funder. Why? I want to not just speak into people’s dreams. I want to be blessed to provide the means for them to achieve, or at least begin the process of living out the wild, crazy, BIG dreams that God has for them. Everyone needs a push. I want to be one that God uses to push millions out into the water.
I want to be a school administrator. Why? I think that as a school leader, I can advocate for teachers and love on students in ways that I’m not able to in a classroom. I have always felt like my impact needs room to stretch outside the walls of my class into the entire building. I hope this doesn’t sound brash. There is much growth that I need to mature into that position, but my heart is for teachers and students. I want to have a positive effect on their lives.
I want to own a home. Why? My family deserves it. I hate that we have not been able to own a home up to now. There is a measure of shame attached to that in my heart, but I know that we will get there. My faith tells me that we will.
I want to be wealthy. Why? There’s some of this that is for me, because our struggles have been so vast and far-reaching. But most of it is just so that we can pour into others. Start scholarships and endowments. Fund missions trips and church plants.
I want to own a truck. Something like a Tundra or GMC Sierra. Why? I love trucks. Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.
I want to begin podcasting again. Why? I miss it. It was fun meeting new people and talking to them. My old podcast, The Whycast, is still available on Apple Podcasts And Spotify.
I want to keep growing. As a father, brother, husband. Son, friend...every area of my life still demands growth.
I want to be all that God wants me to be. ALL. I don’t want to waste a single ounce of His grace within me to accomplish what He wants me to accomplish.
Maybe I have too many things on this list for the amount of time that I have left to live. Maybe some of it sounds inconsequential to you. If so, that is because this list is mine. Not yours. I want to encourage you to write your own list. Nothing is to big, little, important, silly, etc for your list, because it comes out of your heart. The key is to be honest.
The fact is, I’m ambitious, yes. But I want to use these ambitions to build the Kingdom of God, primarily. And I see a pathway for each of them to do just that (well, maybe not the truck. I just want one of those.)
So what are yours? What do you want? Leave some comments and let’s talk about them!
This is part 4 in a series exploring my life as I lead into turning 40 on Sunday, July 12. As you read, I would love to hear where you see yourself in the words that I write! Please reach out, subscribe to stay up to date, and just let me know what’s going on in your world! Thanks for reading!