”Failure happens...Resist the tendency to be discouraged or thrown off the scent when it happens to you. It’s what you do next that says a lot about who you are.”- Bob Goff from “Dream Big”
In the margins of this quote in the book, I jotted down a simple thought.
“How do I handle failure?”
It is a question that I addressed in my book, “Slaying the Lion”, but if I had to go back and rewrite that chapter, there are some things that I would add, because failure has always been my Achilles heel. As one of the things that I have been thinking about as I head into a new decade of life, failure has been one of those “rulers in high places” that has kept me under a heavy thumb. Though, it’s not simply the failure. It is how I handle the failure.
Recent example. I did an audition for The Voice 2 weeks ago. The format was a simple. Wait for my audition time on the website, the link will go live and a camera will open up. Sing, save, submit. Easy peasy, right? I follow the instructions and submit the audition. it should be said that deep in my heart, I didn’t think that I had the chops to make it to the live shows, but I did hope to at least make it passed the first round of auctions. I mean, I have a degree in vocal music. Yet when the email came thanking me for my audition and telling me that I had not progressed, a part of me was absolutely crushed. Then came the thoughts of the audition. Had I chosen the right song? Were my tones flat? Should I have ditched the guitar? Was it my outfit? Can I even sing? Have people been lying to me about my voice al of my life? If I can’t even progress passed the first round of auditions for a show, what does that say about me?
I had ALL of these thoughts, and more. The crazy thing is that even as I had these thoughts, I was actively rebuffing them. The truth is that I know that I have sone vocal ability. I’m not the greatest, but I’m not the worst. I knew that I was dressed well. I knew that I played my guitar as well as I could. I had done my best, doggone it!! Yet my best had not been enough. It is the reality of that crushing truth that can be replayed and spun upon the record of my life over and over and over and over again. It is the question that I battle with even before attempting something new.
I doubt I’m the only one.
I calculate my risks before I take them. I think about responses to my words before I say them. I am calculating to a fault, even in being math illiterate (lol). I emphasize “to a fault”, because the fear of failure can hold me in a pattern where I disengage in anything that pushes me to put myself out there without a safety net.
Become a sponsor for a club? My best might not be good enough.
Start this ministry? My best might not be good enough.
Give voice lessons? My best might not be good enough.
Become a realtor? My best might not be good enough.
Listen., there are some things in my life that I know I’m good at, but beyond that bubble, in areas that sometimes require the most faith, and hold the most possibility for amazing outcomes, my best might not be good enough. But, as I hit the ripe age of 40, I’m ready to accept that this is not an indictment of insufficiency. It is rather an invitation to grow. It is a Godly invite into adventures in living that can shape who I am for years and decades to come. The lessons are not in the failures. The lessons are in trusting God in the areas in which I am not so confident. The lessons are in actively fighting the toxic thoughts that threaten to unravel me with their negative implications and incessant questions of who God has already defined me to be.
The lesson is to lean in to what God says versus what I tell myself. The lesson is to learn to process my emotions as forks in a road, where only one pathway will take me toward where I want to go. The lesson is in leading with God’s truth, instead of fear.
Hmm. Leaning...Learning...Leading. If I can internalize these things to do next when faced with failure, my forties are going to be amazing!
No more failing to launch. Full speed ahead.
(And so can your life!)
This is part 3 in a series where I explore my own life in lieu of turning 40 on this upcoming Sunday. You can read parts 1 and 2 on my blog! While you’re here, why not subscribe to that we can continue this conversation!